Where ever you go... There you are

I have been getting some emails lately from family, friends and clients just asking for an update. Where I am, what I am doing, am I alive?!?! Yes, I am alive.

Well, I finally moved to Northern California. Though I can not say I am actually moved in when in reality 90% of my belongings still are in storage in Phoenix. With that being said, I am able to live a full life without those "things" and keep wondering how I can make them magically disappear. If anyone is interested in a full storage unit let me know. Maybe I should just put it up for sale on craigslist: "FOR SALE one fully furnished storage unit. Comes with complete bedroom, kitchen and full bath. Some assembly required" What do you think? Any takers? I guess it is a good excuse for me to go back to Phoenix sometime soon.

I miss it more than I thought I would. I miss my friends and just the established life I had made there. But when I left my head up from my laptop and look out the window.... well my view is incredible.



Where I am living in Oakland is beautiful. I am fortunate enough to have an amazing friend who I am staying with and their house is so beautiful. They have a view of the bay bridge and every time of day brings about its own spectacular beauty. The people in the East Bay are so laid back and very genuine.

After many attempts to find the PERFECT job, I realized that there is no such thing when you are coming from having your own business. And actually there is not PERFECT in that either. So, after many interviews and many offers, I decided to go full time with a small spa in Walnut Creek which is not far from where I am at. I had originally planned to work in the city, but sometimes you have to go with the stability before you go with the fun. This job is going to be full time and the women that I will be working with are very nice, professional and have really created a feeling of family.

I have looked into volunteering for the Bay Area Crisis Nursery and I have a meeting set up to look at a youth homes as well. I am excited to get that going. I have realized I would prefer to spend my free time working with kids than doing much of anything else (except maybe attending the Farmer's Market on Saturday! How nice to have so much FRESH produce and yummy local food!!).

I titled this "where ever you go, there you are" because I realized that the longing in my heart is not going away. I thought moving to a new area that might offer me more in terms of culture and diversity would help fill the void in me that I have felt ever since I came back from Uganda. But it is still there. I think that I now just have to figure out how to accept it. Whether people admit it or not, I think we all have a space inside of us that tends to feel a little lonely. I know I question how I can do more, be more or ask "what more is there?" on a daily basis. I do not know if I will ever find the ONE answer, because I think it goes beyond one answer. I do know that I have to keep asking and that I have to keep feeding that part of me that wants to serve. I am here in Oakland right now because I know I have to work. Because I need to save money and pay my bills and afford to live. But, I know my heart is still in Uganda and Zambia. I know that I want to be sitting next to my little Fiona, helping her to read and giving her a hug and holding her hand telling her how beautiful she is.

I spoke with her on the phone today. I called my friend Kristina who is still living there and she had Fiona next to her. I asked Fiona how she was doing and asked if she was still in the school choir. I could hear the shyness in her voice and the smile behind her words as she said, "Yes, we sing in village." And so of course I needed to hear her sing, and she did. She sang me a sweet small song and it brought so much joy to my heart. To be able to hear her sing and to encourage her to keep learning and keep following her heart.. that fills the void. I hope I can follow her as she goes from grade school into university. I plan to watch Fiona as she unfolds into a successful woman doing exactly what she has dreams to do. I want to help her and other girls like her. Kristina is planning to go back to Uganda next year for a very long extended stay. She is planning to find a house in the city center and I am planning to spend some time there with her too. We are considering speaking with some people in hopes to Foster a few girls. We could help sponsor them to go to school, help them in their studies, teach them other skills like cooking, sewing, and anything else that could help them start small business. We can help them with microloans and set them up to be a success! I need to be there. I want to be there.

In the meantime I have found an awesome new website. Some of you may be aware of it. It is called kiva.org, a non-profit that allows you to lend as little as $25 to a specific low-income entrepreneur in the developing world.

You choose who to lend to - whether a baker in Afghanistan, a goat herder in Uganda, a farmer in Peru, a restaurateur in Cambodia, or a tailor in Iraq - and as they repay their loan, you get your money back. It’s a powerful and sustainable way to empower someone right now to lift themselves out of poverty.

Check it out!

That is all for me right now. I send this with well wishes and to let you know that you are all in my heart and I think of you daily. Missing my old home more than you know!

Peace and Blessings,
Heather

Dr. Cary's New Project!

My cousin is AWESOME. His heart never ceases to amaze me. Here is the latest email I received from him. And a photo. I miss it. I wish I was there. Enjoy!

BOBO AND THE BOYS

This is Bobo. Someone said I should help him. That was two months ago when he was full faced and walking along the road. I drew the line and said I’m helping vulnerable women with children. He was neither so I continued on down the road. “Bobo’s not doing well,” someone said. I went to his shack in the village. I didn’t recognize him. Wasted and breathless, he looked like death had visited him. I felt very bad. He lay in bed without food or family looking after him. Abandoned and held to life only by a spider’s web, I did what I should have done, fed him. Each day, I bring him something to eat, water to drink, toiletries and encouragement to fight to stay. Bobo was a teacher. So, in his honor, we birthed Project KISS…Kids Into SchoolS. This is our first class. These kids are our first students. They have never been to school before and they cannot read or write so Bobo is teaching them how to hold a pencil. Our school is open from 9 to 12 Monday through Friday and students are expected to come to class on time.

Our students couldn’t go to public school because they didn’t have money for uniforms. Our school has no uniforms. They couldn’t go to public school because they were told they were too old. Our school takes anyone and everyone of any age wanting to learn. And Bobo is happy and the kids are happy and I am happy, too.

A photo of Bobo & the boys....

My next Venture

I am already in search of my next country to visit. I plan to go to Nepal and India at the end of this year and I am starting my search for a good, reputable foundation to go work for. I will look into working at an orphanage and also look into work with teens, as I think it is the children who suffer the most. And it is the children who need some kind of solid adult relationship to help them build a strong core. If I can encourage even one child to go to school, get an education and work hard to create a good life for themselves and those they come in contact with, then I will feel I have made some kind of difference.

For those of you who are not aware, I will be relocating to the Bay Area in Northern California at the end of this month. Although I love Phoenix, I know that this is the best time for me to try out other areas I have always wanted to live in. I will be looking into a few non-profit organizations locally that I can donate my time to as well. I realize that with all of the hours in one day, there is more than enough time to lend a hand here at home. I am looking forward to see where it will lead me.

If you know of any organization that might be a good match for me, I would appreciate the lead. Thank you and I will keep you updated on the work of H4KI, Cary Rasof and myself as we continue to make progress.

Much Love!
Peace & Blessings,

Opening Up

It has now been seven weeks since I have been back from Africa. It has taken me seven weeks to decompress, release the suppressed sadness, and allow my heart to open up completely to all I experienced and felt. Many of you have said after talking to me, I haven’t even heard about your trip yet. And as I would go to talk about it, I just couldn’t find the words. I couldn’t find the words because I was still paralyzed by the immensity of the problems that I saw. I knew I had seen something so big, and that so many people had supported me to go over there, and yet I felt like I was coming back empty handed. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone or tell you something less than you had hoped to hear. I began to realize that the pictures didn’t do justice to what I witnessed. And at the moment, my heart could not go to the place where the pain was stored. Uganda, Zambia, Tanzania, Kenya: these places are all filled with children in need, dire conditions where children are left orphaned and hungry. And then I began to think, this is not just in Africa, it IS WORLDWIDE. And suddenly I realized what else Africa did for me. It brought me to my own grief; a grief that I never mentioned on my trip. One I felt was unnecessary to talk about. But now I see the relevance.

My mom passed away a little over four years ago. It was hard for me then, the hardest thing I have ever been through. I stayed strong through it all, I gained a sense of strength for my family that I never knew I had. I continued on with my life and made sure to get out of bed every morning, because life still had to go on. But the hole, the loss, the broken cord cannot be covered up, as much as I may have tried to make it disappear. Africa brought me to my breaking point. The loss of not having my mother tore at me on every moment of my trip. I was not only able to see the pain of the sick, lonely and hurting children, the mother’s who were still there to hold their sick children, the parents who were suffering from their own illness, the hospitals full of despair, I was able to FEEL it with them. I went into that space and knew their loneliness. It CANNOT be covered up. When I think of Smile Africa, of 400 children who everyday, no matter what attempt they use to cover it up, are alone, it devastates me, and I am ashamed because couldn’t I do MORE!

So what more can I do? I can attempt to bring it to your attention. I can look around while I am in the states and see where I can help here, and how I can continue to help worldwide. I was reading an article on a book called The Hole of Our Gospel by Rich Stearns. He mentions that Jesus was described by Isaiah as, “a man of sorrows… acquainted with grief” (53:3 NKJV). He felt compassion for all of those in need that he encountered. When I look at the many losses and family hard ships (my loving grandma’s death in my teens, my amazing and compassionate mom’s passing, my divorce, my father and sister both diagnosed with cancer in the last 3 years, the passing of my aunt upon my return from Africa and a few losses of others close to me) I have experienced in the last four years, I can see clearly now that God has been preparing my heart to be an empathetic one. I broke down into tears the other night for the first time since my trip back home. Oh, and it felt great! And I think I can see more clearly now. I can see my losses as a gift to be much more understanding of the world around me. I can work to open my heart so that I can truly be of service.
Now I can take the thoughts of when I first returned to the states of “how could I have not done more?” to say, “what more CAN I do?” and recognize that the small gestures, contact I did make, was enough for right then. You begin to realize that it is not always what you can bring to them in material form, but how you can just make an impact with your heart. With love. It is holding a hand, giving a hug or even just making eye contact and smiling from a far distance away, that sometimes makes more of an impact than anything material you can give. People, and children most, are looking to be loved and looking for a place to feel safe. To feel safe and to KNOW you are OK, to KNOW that someone LOVES you; isn’t that something we all search for?

Africa is beautiful and rich, not only in it’s landscape, but in its people. It is in my heart forever.

A long lost post

Here is a posting I found in my documents that I had written as I was leaving Zambia. It is just two little fun stories about our travels from the border and another little silly mishap. I hope you enjoy. It was a good laugh for me to be able to go back and remember...

A few short stories before I tell you about the amazing time I am having here. Our trip from Kenya to Tanzania was probably the craziest experience I have had yet. We had purchased a bus ticket for travel from Mombasa, Kenya to Moshi, Tanzania. It was supposed to go from Mombasa and then stop at the boarder, where we would be escorted to get our visa and taken to another bus that would take us on to Moshi. Well, not only was the bus a few decades old, but a few hours into the trip (which took about 12 hours) the conductor started bringing more people onto the bus. Filling it up way past capacity and people standing in the aisle. Kristina had someone's back in her arm a good portion of the way and then a little girl was sitting on someone's lap behind us and playing with our hair. She was mesmerized with the Muzungu's hair. Well we finally got to the boarder only to have one man sweep us away, telling us to hurry and follow him. Next thing you know we are both on the back of a motorcycle going extremely fast down a long dirt road. I think we both almost flew off a few times, and don't forget we have our huge (well mine is huge) backpacks on our back and I have a small pack on my chest and this guy is flooring it down this bumpy dirt road. All I could think was, "if my Dad saw me right now, he'd kill me!". We finally made it to the visa office, only for me to get off on the wrong side of the motorcycle and burn my calf against the muffler. Well, at least I will have a nice big scar to remind me of Africa. After we get our Visas, the guy shows us our bus and we get on. We were so happy because there was so much room, no one was on the bus, so we both took a row and got comfy. Well, the bus starts and moves ahead about a half mile past the visa office and then stops and suddenly this huge group of people come rushing the bus, all trying to get on at once. People were telling us we were in THEIR seats, seats we thought we PAID for. We both refused to move because we paid for the ticket and really wanted to get to Moshi and had no other way to get there. Well, I end up getting a child thrown onto my lap and people are still standing in the aisles and we continue on until we get pulled over just past the boarder by the Tanzanian Police. Some kid basically yelled at me to get out of his seat and as I stood up the policeman says to me, "get off the bus". I was just like, "huh"? And I turn to Kristina and I said, "if Im getting off, your getting off.... so get up!"

We both are standing with a few other people on the side of the road with our bags, looking at the cop. And he says, you will get on that bus, pointing to the already crowded "matatu" (one of the public transport vans I have told you about before). There was a man standing on the road with us that was nice enough to help us and make sure we were ok. He ended up talking us into to going to Arusha, another town just past Moshi, and taking a safari. I don't know how he did it, but we agreed, and he actually helped out a lot. He got us a room at a backpackers hostel and gave us a ride from the bus stop to the hostel and just made sure we were taken care of. Well, mostly. Turns out the safari we were SO excited about, (it was at one of the best national parks in Tanzania, The Ngorongoro Crater) was booked! So we ended up agreeing to have a different safari guide take us on a small safari at the Arusha National Park. It was nice and we got super close to a few Giraffes, but it was no Ngorongoro! It was a crazy experience and we made sure to pay a little more to take a "luxury-express" bus to Dar es Salaam.

The other story I forgot to mention on my last blog was my soap story. When we were in Kisumu, Kenya at my friend Andrew's parent's home, I was taking a bucket bath in their bathroom. The bathroom is just a hole in the ground toilet (but nice) and you bucket bath in there so that the water goes down the hole. Well, I was using their soap and it slipped out of my hands and before I could grab it, it just b-lined right down the hole. It was one of those moments where you are just stunned and don't know what to do. All I know is that I am so happy that no one was able to catch me in that moment. After the shock wore off, it was really funny, but I had to go tell his mom that I lost their bar of soap down the latrine hole! She was really sweet about it, but I still felt bad.

Life in Africa, you never know WHAT is going to happen next! I miss it more than you know.

Zambia and Dr. Cary Rasof

I apologize for not writing about my time in Zambia sooner. But better now than never, right? I will tell you first off of my admiration for my cousin, Cary Rasof.
He is an amazing and compassionate man, full of so much courage and determination. Not only is he hilarious and very loving and kind, but he is intelligent and graceful in the way with which he works in the communities here. He moved from his original location in Mansa Zambia to an area just one hour north of Lusaka. He moved projects because the people were stealing from him and he couldn't continue to work with them. Although it dampened his spirits he was still able to speak highly of them and say how nice they were and find a place in his heart where he could understand why they stole. Yet he had to move because he couldn't trust them. He is now working with 3 new communities. The projects he works on all have to benefit orphans, caregivers, or people with AIDS/HIV and be community driven, be for the people and by the people and sustain the land. He works closely with a conversational farming research group. He believes in building the community up first so they learn right from the start how to be sustainable, how to make profit as a collaborate whole (mostly from farming to start) where they can then take that profit and put it on a communal bank that they can use to either do another community project like goats or chickens or they can separately (if they've raised enough) take out micro loans and start individual projects where they will then pay back the pot. . Or he helps them to realize they can act as a community bank and loan other individuals or communities money with interest. His work is different than H4k because he works with them from the start to teach them how to live on their own two feet without donor support. The process takes longer, but the self-confidence that they build is amazing. Cary tells them right from the start that he doesn't except beggars and that he wants them to think as a community and workout their problems with the resources they have first before asking for outside help. He says if he can trust them and see that they want to work hard to help themselves then he will invest his time to work with them. He finds local donors to donate seed and chickens and goats but still makes each person in the community see the value in each thing. He doesn't want to rise up a community with all of this outside funding and then make them try and sustain something they can't afford so that they are always relying on NGOs or outside donor support. It has been so eye opening and I am learning so much from watching him work.

This part of the trip was the most difficult to arrange, the part I was most fearful and unsure about and yet it has been the most educational for me and rewarding in a brand new way.

I hope to come back and be able to see how each community tackles this challenge. This kind if communal work is not common in Zambia because the people are very individual based and so the farmers we are working with and the established communities are very hesitant in what Cary is trying to do. Yet so far two of the three communities have already taken the initiative and prepared and planted their communal land with soya beans that GART (an agricultural research group) donated. One of the communities met us in front of their land at 7am and planted for 7 hours straight with NO break (oh and most of the women had BABIES on their backs). Then they decided all together that instead of lunch they just wanted to be shown how to build the fuel efficient stove that Cary makes a requirement for every family in the project to have in order to participate. They loved making the stove and worked so beautifully together. They worked until 6pm in the hot African sun with no complaint. They are an awesome group of people and I wish I were there long enough to see their crops grow and their individual projects take off.

We also took an entire day to walk around a few of the compounds to meet and talk with those infected with AID/HIV. Most are widowed and responsible for a large number of children, not all their own. It is awful to see the children who are infected. They had no choice, it just happened to them. And yet most, even the ones that are sick have a look of determination on their face. I pray for their families, that by teaching them a more sustainable way of life and teaching them to work hard to live better, they in turn will instill in their children the same skills. It is a hope that these children will lead their generation and the ones after out of poverty and away from disease.

Like Uganda, Zambia too is full of beauty. However; it is not as densely populated and the land is very flat. Sadly the forest is becoming sparse as they cut down so many trees and do not replace them. Cary suggests to each community that they just each plant three trees to help bring back the richness of the land. He tries to make them understand that it is for the future. I have Cary’s month end report to the organization he works with (Heart & Hands for Africa) that goes into further detail about each community and his projects. If you are interested in reading it, please email me and let me know. He writes with as much passion as he works.

Thank you for being such a huge part of my trip! And thank you for letting me share my story with you.

Peace & Blessings,
Heather

PS. I added a few more photos at http://gallery.me.com/heather13 (ending weeks highlights)

Leaving with a full heart

Mambo! Greetings!

I know it has been a while, but internet access has been few and far in between and mostly turtle speed. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I plan to do a final update to my blog and my pictures in the next few days as it all digests.

I am in Amsterdam right now on layover for my flight back to the states. Getting on a plane in Nairobi was very hard. I wanted to turn around and just let the plane leave without me, but I know at the moment it is time for me to come home. I need the support of my family and friends and some good hugs! Not to mention a shower, with real hot water, that runs. It may even be nice to not share my bed or shower with tiny little insects or mosquitoes. But to be honest, all of those things began to be just a part of my world. You start to realize that the things you thought you just could not handle, are things that just become your daily life. There are many stories to tell of the last few weeks and I look forward to writing them down. Beautiful places, honest and loving people and incredible memories that I will always hold dear to my heart. Hopefully, I can get it done on the next part of my flight to Minneapolis and download when I get there.

Let's just say that the last three weeks, I really have done Plans, trains and automobiles, not to mention boats, Dhows(old wooden sail boats common on the coast), motorbikes and a cargo truck. I almost toppled over in a bus, capsized in a Dhow, and fell off a motorbike. But I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

My Zambia trip was amazing and I can't wait to share it with you. But for now, this is just a quick check in to say I am alive. I will be in LA until around the 3rd or 4th and then back to Phoenix. I am happy to start working again, though I will admit, you almost lost me to the beaches in Zanzibar where I spent my few last days. I could have easily found a coconut tree to work under with one of the locals and spent the rest of my days there. I guess we will see where life leads me...... its been a crazy and fulfilling ride so far and I know the next phase will be even better! I can feel that the goodness is just going to continue to pour down, and I hope to keep sharing my heart with the world.

Thank you again, each and everyone of you, for the love and support. I wouldn't have this sense of fulfillment in my heart and this new perspective of the world if it was not for you. I appreciate you in so many ways and I am forever grateful!

Here is to a happy, healthy, adventurous New Year filled with LOVE, PEACE and TRUE CONTENTMENT! Enjoy the Ride!

Peace and Blessings,
Heather